Filled to the Brim
by Lilly-Belle
Summary: Sometimes it only takes a little heartbreak, a lot of alcohol, a few poor decisions, and terrible timing to get to the best places in life. After all, where's the fun in falling in love when you don't stumble first? Ferbella one-shot, but may add more.


_Hello, everyone! Welcome to a another story of mine! It's very nice to meet you. If I've seen you around, then it's very nice to have you around again._

_Going in to this, I'd like to say two things: 1) They're 21; 2) The T rating is very serious, as this is not meant for children!_

_I really hope you guys enjoy it! It's definitely more... intense writing than what many of you might be used to._

_Disclaimer: I do not own Phineas and Ferb._

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Filled to the Brim

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I felt my throat tighten with emotion, my eyes shooting away from Phineas. I couldn't stand it, but I didn't know what to do. Everyone was flittering about me, too drunk or entertained by the party to register that things were just not okay. The atmosphere had quickly grown suffocating, and I needed to get away.

My eyes found the door, and I started weaving through the throng of people. The room spun, blurred at the edges, and my fingers tingled. It wasn't the only college party I'd been to, but I tried to count my drinks in my head, and found I couldn't. And I didn't want to after long, because it was too hard. I just wanted to get away. I needed to. I needed to get away. But of course Phineas was my ride, so what could I do?

I brushed my gaze around the room and found something new—a hall off to the side. Standing in it, leaning against the wall, was Ferb. His arms were crossed and he was watching the scene in the larger room with a tired amusement.

Nothing made much sense right now, but I knew that, so everything kind of made sense. If I was fooling myself and it actually didn't, Ferb was the best person to be around. Yeah, I was sure that was somehow followable. Besides, a hallway full of tired amusement seemed like my best option. And it was empty, and I felt like I could relate to that right now.

My feet changed course, and I toppled in the direction of the hall. I could use a little _Ferb Comfort_. I needed my best friend. When he saw me coming, his face lit with mild surprise. He took a step back, further into the hall, but I didn't complain. It was cooler here, which felt good on the upset flush of my cheeks.

I scrambled to a stop in front of Ferb, happy to be out of the loud crowd. Happy to be away from the room full of people. Maybe it was the alcohol dragging out a stupidly prolific side, but I couldn't believe how a room with so many and so much and _too much_ could feel so empty tonight. Or maybe it was me. Maybe that was to be expected, after this long of hoping for nothing.

Ferb raised an eyebrow at me, tilting his head back toward the swarm of bodies; _why aren't you out there?_

In answer, I slumped forward, letting out a long, pathetic groan as I rested my forehead against his chest. I felt him stiffen, but after a few seconds he wrapped an arm around my shoulders. I collapsed into him completely at the weight, throwing both my arms around him.

He shifted to return the hug, but didn't say anything. He never said much of anything, really. He never needed to. I could read him perfectly and so could—so could Phineas. I whimpered again, hiccupping into his sweater vest. Leave it to Ferb to dress all snazzy, even at some stupid party. Now it was getting ruined by my tears.

His hand squeezed my shoulder, and I realized I never really answered his question.

"I don't—don't like empty rooms," I muttered against him.

"So this empty hall is better than a room with fifty of your friends?" he said, and I was happy he did, even if I was surprised.

"Yup." I stained his sweater vest some more. Ferb wouldn't care. I'd never seen him get upset about anything. He didn't fall apart at parties.

"You're my—favorite sailor," I suddenly told him. "The bestest, bestest sailor ever."

"What?" he laughed, and I could hear the smile in his voice. I nodded against him.

"Because… we've always been in the same boat," I told him, scrunching my nose in thought. It made sense, didn't it? "You and Vanessa. Me and—" I sniffled. "The same boat, see? So you're my favoritest sailor."

He didn't respond, but I felt him go rigid, just slightly. He was so composed all the time, and I was certain I would never have been able to tell my words bothered him if it weren't for the fact that my arms were around him, so I could feel his muscles tense. But then I felt him shake with silent laughter.

I could hear in my head what he didn't bother to voice: _if you say so. _That was what he was thinking. I was sure of it. And his deep, polished British accent would be filled with mirth, but he'd try not to let that show. He'd be amused by my words and behavior, because I was drunk, and maybe a smidge loopy.

He didn't need to say it, which was why he didn't.

After a few minutes he let his arms drop, which I guessed meant I should let go. I unlatched myself and staggered back. He steadied me, his expression demanding I tell him what happened this time, but I shook my head. My hair swooshed back and forth when I did. It was a deceptively enjoyable feeling for such a depressing topic, I decided.

How much had I had to drink tonight, again?

I watched as Ferb peeked his head around the corner, his eyes scanning the room until they found his brother. Phineas was sitting at a table, watching other people play a card game. Ferb's gaze lingered there, probably having a difficult time processing the girl perched on Phineas' lap.

He looked back at me. He didn't appear to know who the girl was any more than I did, but his expression was wonderfully sympathetic. I curled up in it, soaking in the gentle pity. Alcohol made me a sponge. What a lovely mental image. Far better than whoever Blondie was, sitting on Phineas.

Ferb shook his head in a way that said, _He doesn't mean anything by it, Isabella._ He smirked sadly and nudged her; _you know that, right?_

He didn't have to say that even if Blondie _did _mean something by it, Phineas didn't. It was completely innocent to my redhead, just as everything was. He thought nothing in particular of the girl on his lap. In his mind, there were no implications there whatsoever.

"But isn't that almost worse?" I whispered. My eyes fell to my feet. There were never any implications with Phineas. _Never._ Was it better to be oblivious to every girl, or just not want me? Was it better to get rejected and move on or hope for years for nothing? Absolutely nothing. I was so tired, and so incredibly alone.

I needed another drink.

No I didn't. I didn't want to go back in there to get one. I liked the hallway.

"I felt so lonely in there, Ferb," I admitted. "An empty, empty, empty room."

"Back to this nonsense, are we?" he said, though his smile was soft. I wanted to curl up in that too, just like his pity. He always made me feel better. That was why he was my favorite sailor. He understood.

"Maybe it isn't empty, actually," I amended, looking at the walls. Ferb nodded encouragingly, though I could tell he was trying not to laugh at me. That was okay. "Our loneliness fills it to the brim, Ferb. Don't you think?"

"I'm not lonely," he said. I wasn't surprised by this response. What was sad was that everyone else would probably believe him.

I gave him the same smile he gave me just moments before, though to different results. Ferb wasn't a sponge. He didn't appreciate it. Maybe he could if he had something to drink, but that wasn't likely. I wanted him to have something to drink, though. I wanted him to stay in my boat, to stay on my level, like he'd always been since we'd been kids.

Wasn't that selfish, though? I frowned. My boat was leaking. Holes kept poking through, water breaching and filling and slowly, slowly drowning.

My chest hurt, and I didn't want Ferb in my boat anymore.

His foot slid forward and prodded mine, and my eyes shot back up to his. He raised an eyebrow, his head tilting to the side; _what are you thinking?_

"I think I want to be noticed for a change."

That was all I said. I kept my gaze bound to his, silently telling him it was his turn to say something. I felt drained dry.

He didn't. But he didn't look away either.

I liked that. For now, that was good enough. I knew I settled too much, but at least with Ferb it didn't feel like settling. He didn't have to respond. Even the small snippets of conversation with him were unexpected and comforting. I was content right now.

I didn't know how much time passed. I scrunched my nose in thought again, which helped. I finally decided I wasn't settling. He could stay quiet. I was cool with that. Besides, settling had an air of finality to it. Looking up at my best friend, nothing felt final. It felt strangely open and uncertain.

I took a small step toward him. He eyed me cautiously, but I took another step forward anyway. It was comforting, being closer. Though the edges were all blurred, everything felt a little better. He didn't move an inch as the space between us diminished.

I pushed up on my tiptoes, but just before my lips could touch his, his hands found my shoulders. He gently pushed me back.

"You're drunk, Isabella," he sighed. "I think you should sit down."

"I'm not drunk," I shot back.

He eyed my skeptically.

"I'm not _drunk! _I'm—I'm buzzed, okay?"

"Whatever you want to call it, Bella, it's no excuse for poor decisions."

For some reason, this hit me harder than when he pushed me away. No excuse for poor decisions. I was a poor decision. I turned from him, biting my lip to keep it from quivering. The tears were already pooling again along the edges of my eyes. _Stupid, overactive tear ducts. _I swallowed hard, but I couldn't remove the fist from my throat.

"Isabella," he exhaled behind me, his voice low and reproachful.

I shook my head. The tears were falling now, even worse than before. "I think I'm going to go. Don't want to make any more poor decisions." God, my voice was so bitter. How long had it sounded that way? Was I just now noticing?

I put my hand on the wall to steady myself and pressed forward, toward the end of the hall so I could find the door. I didn't care if Phineas and Ferb were my ride; I'd rather try to wander home and end up lost than bear this. Then I felt Ferb's hand wrap around my wrist.

"Isabella, you've had too much to drink for me to just let you go off on your own, and especially when you're upset. I'm not—"

"I'm not drunk!" I cried, trying to tug my wrist loose. I was probably making a scene now, but I didn't care. This was our hallway, so I didn't care what anyone else thought. Though that was the reason why I had to leave. Our hallway felt like it was going to burst, and I could take some of the pressure off if I left. I was sure of it.

"I said you had too much to drink, not that you were—"

"I'm not drunk! I'm not! I can speak, and function, and _feel._ And worst of all, at this rate I'll still remember all of this in the morning. So either let me leave, or let me drink some more!"

"Isabella…"

His pity stung now. This sponge had been wrung out. I didn't like the mental image anymore. I didn't like metaphors anymore either. It was a sad fact of life that seemed to be true whether I had been drinking or not: things were ruined so easily. Humor. Analogies. Relationships.

Stupidly prolific. Prolifically stupid. I hated myself right now.

"No!" I fought against him again. "I don't want to be here, Ferb! I don't!"

I almost slipped free from his grasp, and Ferb let out a long sigh. Before I knew it, my back was pressed against the wall, Ferb's hands clamped around on my upper arms. I blinked up at him in surprise, but his expression was stern.

"I'm not letting you run off," he said. "Not like this. Now I'm going to keep you here, and you're going to breathe."

"Let me go," I hissed, trying to wiggle loose, but he held me fast. Since when did he talk this much, anyway? Real great time for him to start, the jerk. Exactly when I wished he'd stay quiet. "Let me go, Fletcher!" This time it was a pout. I felt myself deflating. "Let me go. Let me go…"

"You're all over the place, Bella. Once I'm certain you're calmer, we'll get you some water."

I heard Blondie laugh despite the clamor of the party. I looked past Ferb's arm, across the room to where Phineas sat. Blondie slung an arm around Phineas' neck, giggling still. He gave no reaction to this, but she kept getting cozier and cozier. God, some part of me wished he'd just kiss her! It would do nothing to quell my misery, but at least it would put me out of my uncertainty.

I didn't quite sob. Maybe Ferb's hands were holding that back, too. Fresh tears slid down my cheeks.

Ferb looked back out of the hall, his face falling into a glower when he saw the table. Then he shifted to the side, blocking my view of Phineas and that girl.

I didn't want to speak anymore; it only got me in trouble. But try as I might to collapse in on myself and silently disappear, words poured from my mouth in a quiet wail. "Why doesn't he want me?"

Ferb raised an eyebrow; _don't go there, Bella._

I shook my head manically. "Why doesn't he want me, Ferb? Why doesn't he—why doesn't he…" I blinked. "Why… why… do I want him?"

Ferb stiffened, his eyes widening in absolute shock. It was rare to see Ferb so surprised—rendered speechless. It was quite a feat, really, but I couldn't bring myself to dwell. There were other matters.

"It hurts, Ferb," I admitted. I was finally sobbing. "I've always—wanted him, but… but it hurts so much. It hurts so much, Ferb, and I don't—I don't want to hurt. I don't want to _hurt_…"

Ferb moved one of his hands up to my cheek, and once my arm was free, I wove my fingers into the fabric of his sweater. I didn't think he'd allow it, but I wanted to be held. I pulled him forward, but he only surrendered a single step in my direction before he planted his feet firmly. It was enough, though. His broad shoulders blocked my view of the rest of the party, and I could sob in peace.

He brushed my hair from my face the best he could while I searched my brain for… anything_._ I hadn't found it yet, so I improvised; I wrenched my best friend toward me forcefully. He stumbled forward, closing the distance between us, and I buried my face in his chest again.

I inhaled, soaking in the warmth, which felt so good, even if I was still hot. He let out a disapproving sigh, but didn't move back. He rested his chin on top of my head. One of his hands was still grasping my arm, pressing me to the wall, but it wasn't needed. The urge to run had slipped out with my tears, so he didn't have to hold me here anymore.

I almost laughed. We must have looked pretty funny, but no one was paying any attention to the dark, boring hallway. Not when Buford was chugging something for a crowd in the far corner, or when Baljeet was finally going somewhere with Ginger on the couch. I wondered if the others noticed I was gone. They must have, but even if they minded, I didn't.

I was warm. So was Phineas, apparently, but I couldn't see him anymore. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. This helped. This was a good idea. If I could stay here, maybe I could make it through the party after all.

"Isabella?" Ferb asked quietly. I didn't know how much time had passed, but he started to pull back. I tightened my grip on the front of his shirt, determined to not lose my wonderful, wonderful comfort. Thankfully, he didn't fight me. He pulled back just enough so he could study my face. "Are you alright now?"

I nodded mutely, peeking up at him. I didn't do anything rash this time. My cheeks still burned from tonight's first round of poor decisions. I wiggled my shoulder so my hair fell a little in my face. A thick, black curtain was a great defense—though one which Ferb apparently wouldn't allow. He brushed it back behind my ear.

"Don't bother with that now. I've seen you at worse that this, anyway, so there's really no point." He raised an eyebrow expectantly. "You're fine. You're going to suck it up, drink a glass of water—or perhaps five—and then find some way to enjoy this party with me."

I blinked at him, my eyelids feeling heavy. "You know you're my best friend, right? I mean, other than Phineas. You're my bestest friend ever."

He smirked. "And here I thought I was your favorite sailor. What happened to that ridiculous title?"

Before my addled brain could dig up a reply, someone let out a loud, jubilant laugh, far closer to us than I expected. Both Ferb and I looked over to see a rosy-cheeked Vanessa at the mouth of the hall, holding the arm of some guy I didn't know.

Since when had she been here? I hadn't even realized she was. Based on Ferb's shocked expression, I figured he hadn't seen her before now either.

"Oops, looks like this spot is already taken," Vanessa giggled. I'd never heard the older woman sound quite like that before. Her words were slurred together in a way that told me she out-drank me by a few shots. She grinned at Ferb and tried to wolf-whistle, but botched it completely. She brushed off the failed attempt with ease. "Way to _go_, kid. Never knew you had it in you."

Before Ferb could mutter a single correction to assure the love of his life that we were _not _doing any of the things she surely thought we were doing, Vanessa stumbled off, the unknown guy she was with in tow.

I let go of Ferb's shirt, and he slid to the end of the hall, watching Vanessa go. She was tipsy, and tripped into a corner of the room with a laugh. She pulled the guy after her, and they sloppily began to kiss.

"Who is he?" I asked Ferb. He didn't reply. His face was disturbingly smooth. I knew his expression too well; it was the same one I usually adopted when Phineas prodded my heart with a stick.

Ridiculous, unrelenting heartache for ridiculous, unrequited love. We knew. We both knew all too well.

If Ferb weren't already in the same boat as me, I knew his would be slowly sinking, too. Tonight was now just as difficult on him as it was on me—if not worse. At least Phineas was completely sober, cracking jokes and remaining oblivious to any and all advances even if Blondie was throwing herself all over him. Vanessa… well, to understate things, she was wilder than Phineas. She had no problem getting drunk and sucking face in a corner.

Ferb didn't need to see that. I pulled him farther back into the safety of our hall and threw my arms around his torso again. This time, it felt like I was holding him.

"This party really sucks, huh?" I said, hoping I could get him to laugh, but it was unsuccessful. I sighed, pulling back. "Wait here, okay?"

I started to leave the hall, heading back to the main room, but Ferb's hand found my shoulder. I turned, and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Don't worry," I assured him, wiping at my eyes and sniffling. "I'll be right back."

I pulled free and weaved across the room. People were shouting. A drunk Adyson ran right into me, sending us both staggering to the side, but I managed to keep my footing. Adyson was less lucky, toppling to the ground in a fit of laughter. Three boys were more than willing to grapple with each other for the privilege of helping her up. I pushed on without a second thought to them.

I made it to the drink table. I didn't know what he'd like, but it should be strong. Shots. Easily downed, easily felt. I poured alcohol into a solo cup. I didn't know how many shots it equaled, but it was a lot, so it would do. I took a swallow, but the rest was for him.

When I made it back to Ferb, I shoved it into his hands. He shot me an indignant look, shaking his head. He never drank at any of the college parties, regardless of how safe of a place it was or the fact we were of age.

I crossed my arms. "I know you don't want to hurt anymore either, Ferb."

I moved back to the wall, leaning against it and sliding down to the floor. I thought this would be an unthreatening and supportive position, and I was feeling a bit dizzy anyway. He coddled me earlier, and now I realized it was my turn to return the favor. I reckoned this kind of tradeoff was the only thing that kept the two of us sane through years of this struggle.

I honestly didn't expect him to cave, but he pressed his eyes closed. He let out a breath. Then he raised the glass to his lips, taking a gulp. He followed my example, sliding to the floor across from me. Far more quickly than I could have managed, he had the whole cup drained. Oh god, he'd be feeling that…

We sat there for a while. I would occasionally nudge one of his feet with mine, and the corner of his mouth would threaten to lift, but he remained largely unmoved. He still hadn't said a thing since Vanessa stumbled upon us.

I suddenly felt my stomach twisting in knots. I hadn't messed up Ferb's chances with his dream girl, had I? If I had because I was tipsy and unstable, clinging to my best friend in a way I shouldn't have… I didn't know if I'd be able to live with the guilt of that. Granted, the only reason Vanessa saw Ferb and I pressed together against a wall was because she was sneaking off with some boy, but still… Still, what if I ruined things for him?

My vision was a little blurry, so I closed my eyes. I was just comprehending the fact that I tried to _kiss_ Ferb earlier. It was delayed in sinking in, but through the layers of alcohol fog, I finally realized I had actually been about to kiss him. I couldn't believe it! I felt my cheeks burning. That was so stupid of me. I didn't even know why I… I couldn't—I mean, it was Ferb!

I ran my hands over my face, blurting out, "I'm sorry."

Ferb was silent, but even with my eyes closed, I was confident he was looking at me questioningly.

"I've drunk—drank—drunken… I've had a lot to drink, and you shouldn't have to—I was so hurt, and… god, that was so unfair of me!"

I opened my eyes, needing to see his face. It was obvious he hadn't caught on to what I was referring to yet. Then his eyes widened, and he gulped. As always, he quickly regained control of his expression, but I could swear I saw a little pinkness, just barely in his cheeks.

This was mortifying. I stumbled to my feet. I really didn't even know why I brought it back up. Ferb was obviously feeling the effect of the shots now, and I didn't want to discover how he reacted to alcohol with such an awkward topic thrown onto the frontlines.

_Hey, Ferb, let's hear your uninhibited reaction to the fact that your stupid best friend tried to force herself on you because she was upset about your brother again. _Yeah… no thank you. I couldn't take any more wounds tonight. I'd be okay with staying in the dark.

I staggered forward two steps, back toward the large room. I had to stop and wipe my eyes. Stupid, renegade tears. Everything was blurry enough without being watery, too. I hated crying, which was of course why my body always decided it had to be my first reaction to things.

"Isabella, why did you even come back here if you just keep running away?" He actually sounded a little angry, and I hadn't been prepared for that. I turned back to him.

"Why do you love Vanessa if she just keeps breaking your heart?" I challenged right back. He stood, the alcohol having no effect on his balance. Not yet, at least. That wasn't very fair.

"Why do you put all your hopes in my brother when you know he'll never be who you want him to be?"

I rubbed my eyes again, before quickly snapping my hand down. I sucked in a breath and I lifted my chin defiantly.

"Why do you lie every time by saying you're not lonely?"

He started. "That has nothing to do with—"

"What does anything have to do with anything?" I laughed, the sound manic and scary to my ears. I turned and threw my arms against the wall, burying my face in them.

Behind me, Ferb made to snap back, but apparently stopped himself. I listened as he let out a small, sad cough. When he spoke next, he was once again calm. "You know Phineas will never be the type of guy to buy you a rose under the Eiffel Tower. That's just not my brother, so you—"

"And Vanessa will never be the type of girl to be there when you get back, rose in hand. You're no better than me, Ferb, so save your lectures."

Oh yeah. When I was already fighting guilt, it was so brilliant of me to throw some snarky and hurtful remarks in there. _Nice going, Isabella. _I was terrible.

"Listen," I sighed, reigning in the jagged sharpnessof my tone. He didn't deserve all my bitterness. "Tonight sucks. Maybe we should just stop while we're both behind. I want to go cry somewhere in peace, and you can go back to silently watching everyone and pretending you're not every bit as lonely and hopeless as I am. I'm done."

I pulled back from the wall and waved my hand at him in goodbye. I didn't want to look at him. I knew I must have made him mad. That swig of his drink wasn't nearly enough to cause memory loss, and I didn't want his angered face to be another image burned into my brain from the evening's icky turn of events. Or _turns _of events. It was one bad thing after another.

I moved to leave, leaning against the wall so I didn't fall and make an even bigger fool of myself. Then I felt Ferb grab my wrist again.

"One of these days, Bella, I swear I'm going to stop _stopping _you," he practically growled, and my knees nearly buckled at the absurd sound of it. I tried pulling my wrist free again, still refusing to look back at him, but I couldn't. Although, if I were being honest, I wasn't tugging as hard as I could have. "And one of these days, Bella, you're going to fight me, and I'll just let you go."

He pulled me back into the shadows of our hall, and I felt that last shot sink down to my feet. I felt heavy, and stumbled into him. I quickly righted myself, but forgot I'd been avoiding looking at him. When I met his eyes, his glower was just as angry as I imagined it would be.

His scowl was fierce, but I swallowed and held my head high. With so many drinks in me, I wasn't about to be intimidated.

"No you won't," I said.

"I'm not kidding," he spat. That was when I was certain the alcohol was taking control; Ferb never spoke to me like this before. "You're crazy emotional! You're all over the place. You're stumbling, then trying to kiss me, then crying, then laughing, then crying, then stumbling again. What if you acted like this around Phineas, Bella? What then? I won't always be around to keep you under control."

"This isn't just about me!" I cried, punching him in the chest. "You want to talk about me, huh? About how _emotional_ I am? Well how about we look at _you_ for a change? At least I—"

"Is this the part where you accuse me of not having any emotions,Isabella?" He narrowed his eyes. "That's a little contrived, don't you think?"

"No! I wasn't going to say that!" I punched him again, but he just blinked down at me, completely unfazed. That made me even angrier. "I know you have emotions!" And again. "You've got just as many stupidly irrational emotions roiling up inside you as I do, but _at least_ I'm not too afraid to show them! At least I don't hide it behind a straight face!" And again. "At least I'll admit that I'm lonely and hurting!"

"Punch me again and I swear—"

"You'll let me go?" I cut him off, calling his bluff. He faltered, and I almost smiled. "You won't stop _stopping _me. You won't let me go no matter how much I fight." I punched him in the chest again, though there wasn't any force in it anymore. "And you won't let me go right now, because you know I'm the only person who can actually say they understand you!"

He opened his mouth to say something. Then, to my surprise, he did something completely normal; he closed it and remained silent.

"Sure, you don't talk and I talk too much, and you're thoughtful and I'm rash. You're all dignified and I'm not, and you're super stoic and I'm so emotional—"

"Isabella—"

"But in the end we're exactly the same, Fletcher! We're both stuck in a hall while everyone else is having a good time! We're both chasing fantasies! We've both loved so much without a glance in return!"

"Bella—"

"And instead of doing something to actually make it better, we're both taking our frustrations out on the one person—the _one_ person in all these years who… who…"

My eyes stung, so I squeezed them shut, all my ire leaking out of me. When I opened them again, Ferb didn't look angry anymore either. His expression was surprisingly gentle and a little stunned, though impossible to read beyond that.

"Who what?"

Licking my lips, I felt my face heating. "Are you really asking me that?"

"Yes." He left it at that, his eyes unyielding. I moved to punch him again, but didn't have the heart to. In the end, I just pressed knuckles against his chest, leaving them there.

"Who… understands. Who made all the heartache just a little… bearabler..." My nose scrunched up, because for the life of me, I couldn't figure out why that sounded wrong.

"More bearable?" Ferb offered, the corner of his mouth pulling up, and I nodded wordlessly.

My brain was fuzzy down by the base of my skull, and for the first time tonight it made me really uncomfortable. I felt shifted, unmoored. My gaze was bound to his, but it wasn't enough to keep me tethered. I opened my fist, weaving my fingers into the fabric of his sweater. I'd hoped it would ground me, but it had the opposite effect.

"This is terrible," I groaned, my eyes falling to my hand. I couldn't stand to look up at him anymore. It didn't help keep the room from spinning.

"What?" His voice was softer than I expected.

My mouth felt so dry. I considered not responding, but I couldn't do that to him. In a small voice, I answered, "I need to hold on to you."

He was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "And that's terrible?"

I nodded, taking a step back. As soon as I did, he took a step forward.

"Why is that terrible?" he asked. He was even closer now. I took another step away from him, and felt the wall against my back.

"I don't want to make any more poor decisions," I said. He took another step forward. "I don't… I…"

"Are you saying you're close to making a poor decision?" His voice was impossibly quiet. And good god, was _I _close? That was a pretty funny question to ask as he pressed even closer to me. I swallowed hard.

"I—" I couldn't meet his eyes. I _couldn't. _"No…"

"No?" He let go of my wrist—and his fingers trailed up my arm. My breath hitched. Oh god. I shook my head, and he chuckled under his breath. "Now who's the liar?"

"Now who's the drunk?" I shot back, pleased with my wit. It gave me something to hold onto with this… whatever this was.

I'd been asking for this, though. If I were honest, I had hoped for something like this the moment I came over here. Of course not _this, _specifically, but for something to make the pain go away. I'd never been loved _that way. _Never by Phineas. I was tired of _unrequited_, and I was so, _so _tired of heartache.

"Why did you try to kiss me earlier?"

That was not what I was expecting him to say. I was going to shrug and leave it at that, but in the end I found myself mumbling, "It just seemed like… something stupid that would make me feel better."

"And you're well aware that kissing me is a very bad idea?"

I nodded. Of course I was.

"Something intolerably unwise. Something fueled only by alcohol and irresponsibility."

I blinked up at him, and something occurred to me. "Is this a disclaimer?"

His eyes were unreadable, but they followed the movement as I bit at my lip. "Do you want it to be?"

It felt like a challenge—like he expected me to lie again. I knew better than that anymore.

"Yes."

This was crazy. What was I thinking? What were _we _thinking? I was about to say something else, but then his mouth tumbled onto mine, and there was nothing left. I let my eyelids drop.

Ferb was kissing me. He had me pressed against the wall and he was kissing me. To sum it up in one word? _Weird_. But it was weird because it was so surprisingly satisfying.

His fingers grazed my cheek, and I leaned into him, kissing him back with fervor. My hand made its way to his shoulder, and he somehow came even closer. I wasn't prepared for how amazing that felt. I wasn't prepared for any of this.

I captured his bottom lip between mine. A small whimper slid from my throat, but I couldn't bring myself to care. My stomach fluttered and my toes tingled. Everything tingled, absolutely every nerve. This gave a new meaning to feeling buzzed.

Ferb pulled back abruptly, and my eyes snapped open. His were wide and uncomprehending, and he shook his head as if to clear it. Our bodies were still pressed together, our breathing heavy. He met my gaze, and I could see he was feeling just as disoriented as I was.

"That…" He cleared his throat. "That was…"

"Yeah," I exhaled. His forehead fell against mine, and I decided to give up on trying to control my heart rate. Instead, I let my hand get tangled in the fabric of his collar, holding him to me even more fiercely.

"So we should…"

I nodded impatiently, already pulling him back in. Our lips met again, quickly finding that same hungry rhythm. Who knew years of mutual heartbreak could result in something so… so… _god,_ yes. I needed this, I needed it so desperately.

His hands fell to my waist, pulling my hips from the wall and against him. My fingers found the back of his neck, sprawling up into his hair. I tugged on the strands, angling his head so I could kiss him as intensely as possible, and his breath hitched. His mouth suddenly shoved mine open, and I felt so weak.

There was the sound of something crashing in the larger room, followed by shouts, but I wouldn't let it drag me away from this. Not when one of Ferb's hands slid under my shirt, around to the small of my back. My fingers tightened in his hair, and I arched into him. His soft groan told me he must have liked that.

I'd never acted like this before, but the feeling of him mixed with the alcohol in my blood, and I didn't—_couldn't _care less. Not that it wasn't Phineas I was kissing. Not that he probably wished it was Vanessa he was with right now instead of his juvenile, overemotional best friend. Not that this was pretty much new territory for me to venture into with _any _man.

No, I didn't care at all. I hitched one of my legs up around his waist, and almost laughed in glee as his hand wrapped around my thigh, lifting it even higher. Pulling me even closer. Impossibly close. But maybe not close enough.

"Ferb," I breathed, but I didn't say anything else. He wouldn't let me, and I was surprisingly okay with that.

The hand on my back traced my spine before slowly, almost painfully, shifting down to my hip, then up my waist, then up even further—_oh_, even further—tracing the edge of my bra. His fingers ghosted across the lacy fabric, along the sides of my ribcage, and—_ahhh,_ god, he was dangerously close to touching me in a way I'd never been touched before.

I had no air.

His hips ground against mine, and my mind went into shock. It was accidental, but the effect on both of us was immediate. The whimper growing in my throat morphed into a moan, and Ferb gasped into my lips. My stomach was rolling over itself in maddening ways, and my brain started searching for something—_anything_ to… to… I needed to be closer.

"Ferb?"

I dragged my nails along his scalp just enough to drive him crazy. The spastic pressure of his mouth against mine told me it worked. I'd never been this wild before, but even better was that I'd never made someone _else_ this wild before. Not just wild, but wild for _me. _It was exhilarating.

"Ferb?"

Wait… Wait, who was talking? I definitely hadn't said his name.

I hesitated, and as soon as I did, the new voice appeared to register with my best friend, too. Ferb pulled his lips from mine, his eyebrows falling in confusion. It took us both a moment to reacquaint ourselves with reality before Ferb twisted around, peering at the figure at the end of the hallway.

My heart jumped into my throat.

"Phineas?" Ferb choked out, his usually smooth voice coarse after all of… all of.._._ oh god.

Phineas took a few steps into the hall, setting his water bottle aside on a small table. "Have you been drinking, bro? You never have anything to—"

Then his eyes found my face for the first time. He froze, his jaw going slack. His cheeks had been rosy after finding his brother like he had, but now every visible part of his skin burned bright crimson.

"_I-Isabella?_"

* * *

_So. Well now. Yeah. I really can't believe I wrote all of that. I'm quite inexperienced with writing kissing scenes, and this was was quite more, um, _intense _than I've ever written before. Add to this the fact that I've never written a story containing alcohol, and that makes for one insecure posting by this author. I hope it wasn't too much or too... out of left field, I suppose._

_I have some ideas for this as a larger story, but am still crafting that, so if you have something you're dying to see, PM me. I can't promise inclusion, but I promise I'll listen._

_I'm working on publishing my story _Something in the Mist_, as well as pretty substantially editing _Enough,_ so I'll probably only get back to work on this if you all seem to really like it._

_Let me know what you think!_

_Love,_

_Lilly-Belle_


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